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7 Deadly Traps for Women at Work by Dede Henley

Women have great potential and talent to offer professionally. Yet at work, many of us keep our skills hidden or untapped. Though people may view us as successful, imaginative powerhouses at work, we still may not be reaching our fullest potential.

So what gets in our way? To a certain degree, we do.

Our success is often inhibited by our susceptibility to falling into any one of the following traps. It is up to us to make the choice to avoid these pitfalls and claim our power.

TRAP 1. TRYING TO BE ONE OF THE BOYS. While women have asserted themselves professionally over the past 30 years, we have made gains tentatively. It feels as though we were invited into the boys’ clubhouse, but given the message that if we wanted to stay, we had better fly low and fit in. So we learned to dress, talk and act like men. If we are in this trap, we are diverted from expressing our true selves and, as a result, our intuitive power and creativity get lost. Go ahead, wear a dress, be creative, show them how a woman handles the job. The world of business needs us and our feminine perspective!

TRAP 2. SAYING “I’LL DO IT MYSELF.” For centuries we’ve been taught that nice girls don’t ask for much. We learned that it was costly to speak up and speak out, to express our needs and desires directly. But of course we know that we can get just about any job done, no matter how tedious or onerous. So the challenge that comes with our competence and trying to “do it all,” is to resist becoming martyrs, feeling overworked, resentful and underappreciated. We must remember that martyrdom also robs others of opportunities to take on new projects and tasks. To escape this trap, ask for help. Allow others to contribute to your success and to theirs.

TRAP 3. FEELING THAT WE HAVE NO VOICE AND NO CHOICE. This is when we feel powerless. We tell friends that we are “between a rock and a hard place.” That we are victims of our circumstances, that the commute is life-draining, that our colleagues don’t work as hard as we do, that we weren’t given the new project.... Consider becoming proactive rather than reactive and stop casting yourself as a victim. Pay attention to your complaints, then determine what action you can take to resolve them. This more positive approach is the path to power and freedom.

TRAP 4. WAITING TO BE RESCUED. Many of us believed in Disney fairy tales. “Happily ever after” sounded so promising — surely we could find a shortcut to it! What are you waiting for? The perfect job? The kids to grow up? The economy to improve? That next great promotion? Get a handle on your finances, your relationships and your leadership team and start doing the work you love. Take the reins of your own gilded carriage. Your “prince” has finally arrived. It’s you. Now is the time for you to create the life you’ve been waiting for.

TRAP 5. WANTING PEACE AT ANY PRICE. When we are in this trap we go out of our way to make sure that no one gets upset. We withhold honest feedback or try to make things okay when they aren’t. Pleasing others, regardless of the cost, holds us back. This peace-at-any-price trap may be the result of our training as girls: “Be nice. Get along. Avoid conflict.” Go ahead, rock the boat. Your honesty can help you, as well as others, achieve great things.

TRAP 6. HURRYING, ALWAYS HURRYING. We are living in a culture addicted to speed. E-mail enables us to send messages to thousands of people with a single click. Cell phones enable us to talk in the car while eating a fast-food lunch. In our race toward the deadline, we often rush past our inspiration and creativity, not to mention the joy in the present moment. Slow down. Breathe deeply. And remember, we have all the time we need for what matters most.

TRAP 7. SURVIVING AT ALL COSTS. When we are threatened, angry, anxious or overwhelmed, we move into survival mode. This trap is a converging of the other six. When inside, it feels like the walls are collapsing in on us. Take one action to move from surviving to thriving and you will create more room for creativity and feel more balanced.

By understanding how each of these traps hinders you from fulfilling your potential, you can consciously break free of them and move toward a brighter and more successful future.

Dede Henley is CEO of The Dede Henley Group, an organizational development firm that focuses on women’s leadership development and creating a new paradigm in business of balanced feminine and masculine capacities. Dede recently released her book The Secret of Sovereignty. Learn more at www.dedehenley.com.

©2008 Caliope Publishing Company